Health as an Artist.
Now, this class concerns your health as an artist. You're not going to be any good to civilization dead. Your work may become more valuable some say, but that's not real civilization, that's just the collection mongers who are only concerned with prices.
You might do well and meet the right people like Picasso did. Or have the right pitch like Dali did. Or you might be an incredible businessman like Warhol. Or a sincere illustrative painter like Rockwell. Or incredibly good at landing grants like Pollack. But if you're like the rest of us, you're going to have to have your share of time facing poverty.
It isn't so bad. With a little scientific know-how you can get by. You need vitamins, minerals, protein (50 grams a day for adult males), carbohydrates, oleo acids (fats), and a little coffee, tea, or wine wouldn't hurt, either.
First of all remember that the establishment throws away enough food every day to feed the world. If you're convinced of your cause, you won't be ashamed to front up and ask around. Build up contacts. See if some will barter for your artwork. Or see if you can get food for free until you're on your feet. Check restaurants, food stores, small businesses. The big places usually have only one place for everything: the compactor. But many establishments will sympathize and let you have some of the stuff they couldn't sell. They'll either tell you to come back after closing and they'll see, or they'll tell you no, sometimes accompanied with a lecture, or they'll tell you to wait and bring you something or they may tell you to wait (and then they go to the phone and call the cops -- that's rare, usually).
Now, maybe you can't bring yourself to go that route: You've got to buy. Okay, then you really must consider my advise. Intentionally or not, the establishment is very anti-creative and anti-artist. What may seem like an honest day's work will actually be the business community's chance to ream you of every ounce of energy and ability in your body. In most menial jobs you won't even have enough money left after rent, clothing and transportation to afford adequate nutrition, though it may seem like it. All you'll be able to afford is a couple of cheap meals and a junk food snack on a break. You only have the illusion that you can eat what you want. You can only eat their junk food.
I worked five years as a cart-gatherer and stock boy and I found out that, besides a couple of decent meals, I couldn't afford the carbohydrates necessary to do the level of daily work the big retailers wanted out of me. Each day I burned over three thousand calories. For the money they pay you just can't afford it. They couldn't believe it when I sat down on a break and ate the only affordable carbohydrate I could find: a whole box of Little Debby's Swiss Rolls. You could eat all the Swiss rolls in the whole box in five minutes. But that was only two thousand calories. Thanks, Little Debby, you must have been thinking of me!
After the last decade of the twentieth century most of the big establishments had advanced knowledge of practical psychology and knew how to successfully manipulate personnel to get maximum productivity out of them. Isn't that fair, you might ask. Sure, if the employee doesn't have to do anything in his or her spare time but conk out in some chair and recuperate. If that's all you're going to do with your life, go for it.
But if you want to do artwork, you'll be in slow motion. You might get away with that as a kid but once past thirty-five, I would say it's not advisable. Your best bet is to be self employed even if it means recycling aluminum cans or doing portraits in a mall at ten dollars each. Another thing is that psych stuff the big merchandisers are into. The lectures and scoldings in the back office. The "coaching" sessions. They trained us on that stuff in the Army about enduring interrogation by the enemy. But in retailing you're in their army and they decide to shuffle you from first to second shift at their pleasure. You know, there is evidence that psychological manipulation causes mental damage. They figure human beings, broken ones, make the best robots.
One thing I, in my traveling days, did was "advertise for finances". I got a local map, found a blank spot in it (parks on maps are good blank areas), and wrote in that space, "I need a quarter" and drew a circle around the statement. Don't stand in front of the person you approach. As they're walking toward you, stand to one side and say "Excuse me..." and just point to the spot where you've written your add. Wait for them to read the spot and usually an average of two out of ten people will give you a quarter.
You can collect about forty to fifty dollars a day, donations to your fund. It may be a little less than what you might get in menial jobs, but at least when you've got enough to do a little painting you can take a break from the fund raising. If you punched a time clock, you only get time off on their terms. They hate giving you more than forty hours a week because at least for now, that would be overtime, and they'd loose some petty cash on you. So you'd get two days off at irregular intervals and whatever is left after the eight hours they work you randomly in a first or second shift, unless you work the third shift, the all-nighter. So things like the map give you a chance to raise funds as you need them and paint the rest of the time until you start selling your work. Also it gives you a chance to explain to those who ask what you're really doing. Someone may rise from the ranks to help you.
Another route is to build up immaculate credit and a good portfolio and get accepted to a decent art school, apply for loans, blow about one hundred thousand on a bachelors or even master of fine art degree in four to six years, and then spend fifteen more years paying it off as an art teacher somewhere. If you go that route, you might be better off with the b.f.a. and then go to business school for a couple of years for an associate in business admin.
You'll need it trying to sell your work, as it's really a business and you'll have to be up on self-employment and entrepreneurship. You're going to have to know from storage, shipping, book keeping and a whole lot of other crap. They even have lifeless ways of calculating the value of the work of a new artist which is materials cost plus labor times the square inches of the picture plane of the artwork. And all that. You're going to have to learn some business stuff unless some one else can help you. I hope they can. That business work wastes so much time.
About the food, you can't fool around on that one. Stay away from junk food. During the week, you need five different separate types of protein, and I don't mean one type is chicken burgers and another buffalo wings. They're both chicken, moron. Also there's a chance things are compounded by some complication like you insist on vegetarianism or something. Difficult but doable. How about tofu, rice, edible yeast, whole wheat bread, and bananas? Voila, even if you're a vegian. For the rest of us, you stand a better chance of weathering the aging effect of cosmic radiation is you eat some meat. Beef, chicken, fish, lamb and goat. Stay away from the pork, it's murder on the digestion, though you probably don't think so. Same with shell fish and bottom fish and any sort of carnivore or omnivore. Remember, for survival anything goes including insects, all but fuzzy caterpillars (poisonous). Hobos used to eat worms and bugs (and I imagine they still do), cooked in a tin can. You know what, kid? I think you're going to make it.
Soy stuff is still just about the best bargain when it comes to protein food things. It was even cheaper back in my early days in the seventies when they thought it was only good for pigs. Just be ready to have a good ventilation system in the studio because if you're on a bean diet, you are going to be doing a lot of poopers. My momma used to tell me that if you burped you gave off blue balloons, but if you did any poopers, then others would plainly see purple balloons. Worked for me. For years I held it in which you shouldn't do. Hey, don't worry, if your studio is stinky enough, maybe it'll keep all those lousy obnoxious bourgeois establishmentarians outa there. The fastest way to waste your time is to mess around with a bunch of plastic hippies trying to be cool. They're always trying to bug artists.
If you look around maybe you have some sort of co-op type food station near you where you can buy your soy. Just remember about soy is incomplete protein, you need to supplement it with lysine, the name of the protein it lacks. You can get that from the whole wheat, or better yet, wheat germ. They have a sort of textured soy product out there I forget what it's called, an abbreviation of three letters, I think high protein concentrate or something. That's about the easiest way to use soy. Makes a good topping as a spaghetti sauce if boiled. We used to eat that stuff in Spain, got it once a week from trips into neighboring Portugal.
Don't waste your time with dog food. It's a hustle. I found that if I tried to get fifty grams of pro out of one sack of the stuff, I'd be eating up half the food in the bag a day. If you've got a dog it's cheaper feeding it hamburger. This soy protein stuff will work, too, mix with a bit of meat for fido. Maybe things have changed since I made my calculation, but knowing those guys... they've got too much overhead anyway.
Shoot, I could do a whole darn cookbook on this. Maybe later, that's a good idea to get visitors to the site. Just remember, numbers count. You need to calculate at least fifty grams of protein a day to be safe. Men a little more, women a little less. I would say sixty-five would be safer, cause no one knows for sure. Your body needs eight protein critters, called amino acids. Not just any and I never learned the names, but if a food has all eight, it is said to be "complete" protein. Your body then makes all the rest of the amino acids it needs from the eight. If you miscalculate, look in the mirror, protein deficiency causes the small vessels in your cheeks to burst and you see that, buddy, you better be hustling up some grub. Swallow your pride and get the map.
Wait. It gets better. You also need the basic OLIO acids as well. The protein goes in the cell and the olio makes the cell wall, kind of like a sort of plastic like substance. If you are olio deficient, your cells will leak and the symptom of that is fatigue, overly fatigued; inordinately tired all the time. Then forget it, you couldn't lift a brush. Quite a few of the impressionists died of malnutrition, did you know that? It gets you in your forties, just when you're beginning to come up with some really good artwork. So be wise and get the nutrition you need. Don't be an ass, get out there and beg if you don't have any money. They're throwing away enough food to feed the world.
Your body makes the olio acids, like the protein amino acids, from a few basic ingredients. I wish I knew more on this but Adele Davis knew and she wrote it down is a few books and started a whole food movement. Get a copy of her book, "Eating Right to Keep Fit" or something like that. Maybe it's lets eat right instead of eating right. She was always a "lets" type of person. Must have worked. Anyway, you can get the oleos from what I call the big three or the "thrixo". I got this much from her book, only because Sonya quoted it to me at the Staten Island Commune back in the '70's. Equal parts of corn oil, penult oil, and safflower oil. If you're allergic to peanuts ask a nutritionist or whachamacallit.
One really good recipe is to mix the thrixo gently in a plastic mustard squirter and slick up some mixed vegetables in a paper bowl. Toss in the microwave on ten for eight minutes and eat with a plastic spoon. Put a little spinach on top of the veg for your eyes (lutein).
Now you've got to count your calories. You may be skinny enough if you're a poor artist to think you don't have to worry about that but think again. If you don't have enough energy it'll really hold you back. You'll find yourself struggling for every brushstroke and it might even ruin your artwork. The safest way is to estimate a little high until you start to get chubby. It's a balance between activity and the sedentary lifestyle of sitting at an easel all day. But as an artist, you may find yourself very active to say the least. You really need to get outside for an hour a day anyhow because staying indoors can mess up your respiratory system and even lead to T.B.. The outside air helps disinfect the lungs and keep them clean.
You need complex carbohydrates. Grits is an excellent example of this. Tastes good with a pat of butter. Oh, I really recommend a good glass of red wine each night. The phenyls in red wine control cholesterol. The proper ration is also good for the heart unless you overdo it. Get the ordinary wine in your area. Hopefully you're in a civilized country like Australia where they sell ordinary wine by the five liter box at affordable prices. If not, you'll have to wing it. If you have the space, you can make enough for your needs on your own. If you don't drink alcohol you can get almost the same results concerning cholesterol control from grape juice. Also if you have migraines stay away from the red wine. Use white wine and then have purple grape juice some other time of the day.
Just don't overdo it. Ration yourself. Excesses in both alcohol and carbohydrates are unwisely resorted to by those such as the poor who might be subject to depression. If you get depressed, get colored, blinking Christmas lights (the smaller the better), and look at them in a dark room. That's the antidote.
Stay away from rock and roll. If you must listen to music, go for lite jazz or mellow folk. The best thing is to learn an instrument and make your own music. Then you can even get some change by ducking outside for a while and doing some street performing. Put your hat on the cement for a couple of hours. Beat driven music like rock actually damages brain tissue. Kind of like the demise of Hamlet's dad, poisoned in the ear. Your best bet is actual random sound like the surf or the wind in the pine boughs.
Other carbies are rice and pasta. Either calculate or eat hearty. If you start getting chubby, you can safely skip a day each week and take an eating vacation. You'd be surprised how much you can get done if you don't have to do the food thing for a day. And remember the exercise. I think the kidneys and aerobics act like a great eraser to wipe away the negative emotions out of the bloodstream. That's all you need is a cacophony of all sorts of emotions zinging past your brain. You might cut an ear next time you shave or something.
Remember what happened to Vincent. He was a wonderful person and many treated him like crap. They'll do that to you if you're poor. They don't care. To them if you're less fortunate and all that, it's a chance for them to feel superior to you and they'll insult you and use humiliation on you. You can take all that so much better if you exercise. If nothing else, find some steps outside and do about ten reps a day or so. Put some sand in a small cardboard box and carry it around the block.
It does pay to keep the crows away. Why? Look what happened to Vincent. Get the holographic gift wrap they sell at the mart around the holidays and fly a few strips of it outside wherever it reflects the sunlight. If nothing else, aluminum foil will do. They hate bright bursts of light. It's bad enough having certain people hastle you.
Oh, and if you're stuck with only enough for meals and you get hungry between them, chomp some brewer's yeast and drink some water. It actually suppresses the appetite and is a handy source of excellent protein.
And remember the good old beatnik technique: espresso, man. Kitchen stores sell the Italian unscrewable espresso gismos that go right on the hot plate for about twelve bucks. After you get done with the rabbit skin glue for sizing the canvasses, you can toss the gismo on the coils and in minutes, black gold. Kills any appetite there is. Just don't overdo it. And coffee does hurt your sleep so last cup six hours before bedtime. Use a demitasse, or tiny cup. You won't need whitener, just sugar if your fussy like me. I'm not sweet enough.
Don't get into smoking. it costs too much, ruins your health, and nicotine breaks your concentration. Use the patch and ditch the habit while you can. You'll cheapen your creativity if you smoke, even if it may be a crutch, forget it. Rise and walk. The establishment is going to throw enough crap at you without you adding to it all by crippling yourself. Don't be an idiot.
And remember, if you're painting, don't eat till you wash your hands. A lot of paint pigment is poisonous. The slow type. Hey, you want to keep on trucking' in your fifties, dontya? If you get heartburn, eat an apple. If you're poor, eat a quarter of an apple per incident. Chew each bite five times and swallow only the juice and chew the same mouthful again. Repeat until there's no more juice. Then swallow the rest and spit out the tiny bits that didn't go down. Pace the floor until you burp. You're going to be all right. Cheer up. Poppa Paul's online.
You'll need your multi vitamins, with your meal, and use time release vitamin c. If you start to catch cold or any other virus that hits nose first, spray your nose with vodka every time you feel like a sneeze or the nose gets runny. The big thing is the minerals. I use some stuff derived from shale deposits in Utah. I'll put in a link to the website. You might not know it, the genetic life of the human being is one hundred and twenty-five years. Minerals might help you to get there. The tales of the abominable snowman. They're really actually credible, you know. They might have been people who lived in mountainous regions where they drank water from glacial deposits in which they got all the minerals needed for the genetic code to stay resilient enough. It's not what we know, it what we don't know. We don't know really how many minerals the body needs.
That's why I think the best place to work is in the mountainous areas near glacial deposits. Hey, if you're a representationalist, you've got some great landscapes up there. Say hi to bigfoot for me willya?
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Paul A. L. Hall
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2003 by Paul A. L Hall. All rights reserved.
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